Xepher
by YaoiSongstress07
Summary: Inspired by 'Catalyst! Set in the world of MGS4. Endlessly tormented by nightmares of Liquid, his broken relationship with Meryl, and his own insecurities, Snake seeks solace in a newfound love. Is he meant to hold love, or is he meant to die without it?
1. Chapter 1

Hey there! Nice to see that you've stumbled into 'Xepher'! I extend the warmest of greetings to you, hoping that you enjoyed the holidays. Onwards to the new year, I say! Tally ho!

This fic, shall I say, is an excerpt of 'Metal Gear Solid 4: Exhale'. It was inspired by Shining Zephyr's 'Catalyst', an angsty look into the world of Solid Snake. Before I continue, I am proud to say that I found a wonderful gem for the year 2008, and it goes by the name 'Zephyr'. XD I shall be forever grateful to have that friend with me.

'MGS4: Exhale' was originally inspired by Solid Snake's appearance in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. 'Exhale' incorporates characters of different worlds into the world of MGS4: Guns of the Patriots. The title of this adventure was derived from a Dance Dance Revolution: Supernova song. I claim no ownership over MGS4 _or _DDR: Supernova.

**Disclaimer: As much as I'd like to, I don't own anything related to Metal Gear Solid. Not even a Playstation. Kinda sad, for one that's madly in love with the series. I also don't own a certain guest character.**

**This tale will contain boy/boy romance. If you're not a fan of yaoi, and can't at least respect it, then I suggest you take your eyes elsewhere. That also applies to you if you're allergic to fluff, and/or can't tolerate the idea of a 'humanized' Snake. Thank you!**

'**Xepher' will contain light spoilers of MGS4. If you're unfamiliar with the game, and wish to keep the element of surprise, be on the lookout. XD**

* * *

An ephemeral blanket of silence had draped itself over the world, calm but fated to live only for a moment. Its edges had fallen into the Nomad, relieving it of the day's tension. Only the dim embers of restless computers gave off light, and only the melody of ongoing research walked through the night. A certain otaku found it difficult to sleep, and had become accustomed to the deceitful art of caffeine indulgence. Not wanting to plunge into a restless chamber of slumber, knowing that it would only bring about pain, he kept himself awake by consuming large amounts of coffee. One could easily sense the strong presence of black caffeine, for its fragrance drifted through the still air. It wasn't having its usual effect, though. For many, coffee was a source of unrestrained energy. To him, it was merely a device that served to keep him from nightmares.

Sunny was fast asleep, dreaming of treasures unknown. In her hands was a Mokona plushie, an item Otacon had brought on board out of nostalgia. As an avid otaku, he couldn't refrain from taking at least _one _item onto the Nomad. The little girl, who had become his surrogate daughter, held onto it for good luck. She worried over her makeshift family incessantly, and felt the need for a good luck charm. Her eggs were usually the forecasters of the future, but recently, things had risen to a feverish pitch. Mokona supplied her with extra comfort. It wasn't like she could cook eggs day in and night out anyways.

There were two other people on board. Both were desperately trying to sleep, but failing miserably. Heartache resounded throughout both of their bodies, driving itself through their souls like a stake. One particular heart was wrestling with a savage amount of pain, stifling his cries underneath the night's silence. Otacon had dealt with _enough _for the day, and there was no need to awaken the little girl. His pain should have been his pain _alone. _No one else's.

But-

Invincible hands ripped gasps out of his quivering body, each of their fingers icy and venomous. Spasms, violent and endless, battered his body as brutal waves would batter peaceful shores. He twisted and turned, hoping to rid himself of the pain before Otacon was alerted. With each attempt to cleanse himself came a greater surge of pain, forcing him closer to his breaking point. Gasps and whimpers were promptly replaced by sobs. Naomi Hunter's 'gift' was a merciless tormentor, killing him with every breath he took.

The nights were not simple for him. They drained the little strength he had left, giving him no time for peace. In his mind visions of his brother danced about, laughing and devilishly rapturous. Night after night Liquid crushed the remnants of his withering soul, laughing as he witnessed his brother's distress. Night after night he was tied down, either chained to a wall or tied down to the ground. His latest nightmare, which he had just emerged from seconds ago, had him chained to a wall-_with _a collar around his neck. To say that he felt like a dog would have been an understatement.

He was trapped in a place that greatly resembled a _furnace. _The temperature was unbearably high, standing at least one hundred and fifteen degrees. That was an intolerable temperature for _anyone _to withstand, and for someone in _his _condition, enchantment was _not _to be found. Being tied down like an uncivilized beast didn't help matters. In addition to his setting, his brother wasn't the least bit friendly. Always laughing, always smiling, Liquid used his body to beat his 'inferior' sibling into submissions. Punches and kicks were unremittingly given out, with no heed to their recipient's pain.

"_How could you __**possibly **__believe that an old, frail and __**ugly **__thing deserves 'love'? How could you believe that something so useless could ever find 'happiness'? Are you that daft, my brother?!"_

"_I shall be the one to rule this world, and you'll become nothing more than a pile of __**ashes! **__In this world you'll leave behind __**nothing! **__You're a disgrace, my brother, to the soil you walk upon!"_

"_I find it difficult to believe that someone so young and beautiful would find favor with you. Wonders never cease, eh?"_

"_What could __**you **__possibly have to offer? You're nothing but a cold-blooded killer, made only to __**kill-**__not to __**love! **__Your paltry little relationship amuses me!"_

Tears began to course out of his eyes, endowing the night with more light. That was right. He was in search of something precious, chasing after it in a way he never expected. Liquid laughed in that precious treasure's face, telling his brother that he didn't deserve it. Telling him that it shouldn't have fallen onto his hands in the first place. Telling him-

That he'd _never _be able to give anything back. Telling him that pursuing the treasure was useless. Telling him that _he _was useless to the one he loved.

As painful as it was to admit it, Liquid was right. He _was _useless to the apple of his eyes, regardless of how much he loved him. Regardless of how much he _needed _him. He could offer _nothing _to someone so pure, young and courageous. He _was _nothing to someone so pure and fearless.

But-

The young one loved him. And _he _loved _him. _He needed him. He wanted to be near him. The pain was just too much to bear alone, and he _couldn't _let Otacon know. The day had been exhausting for him, and he had dealt with the broken-down dog for far too long. Almost ten years, to be exact. The otaku had his own burdens to bear, his own heartache to deal with-

"_What a pity. He's beautiful, yet he has poor taste. If I were in his position, I'd choose someone more worthy of my time. You can hardly even breathe, let alone __**stand. **__What purpose are you serving for him?"_

Life was cloudy. Life was unbearable. Hands were locked around his throat, strangling him. Breathing had become an impossible task. Punches rained down on his body, and tears erupted out of his eyes. He wanted to breathe, wanted to _blink, _but didn't have the strength to do so. He was suffocating, drowning, _dying _in the midst of darkness. Naomi's syringe wasn't anywhere near him, and even if it was, he didn't have the strength-or _vision-_to locate it.

Pain, pain and _more _pain-

Hands ripped gasps out of his throat, bringing him dangerously close to a whirlpool of screams. Life had become cloudy, stormy and utterly _painful. _He shot a hand to his heart, clutching it. Volcanoes continued to erupt inside of him, relieving him of his frail vision. Couldn't breathe, couldn't blink-life was fading away-

He was frightened. Frantic, like a mother about to lose a child to miscarriage. Explosions of pain continued to occur inside of his fragile insides, his brother continued to laugh-he couldn't breathe. Could hardly _move. _Pain was all that he knew, and pain knew him all too well. It was throttling the life out of him, strangling him, _laughing _at him-

He willed his limbs to withdraw from his bed. Breathing heavily, clutching his throat, he slowly sent his legs to the floor. The rest of his body followed suit, throbbing with unspeakable fire. Ignoring the need to break down and sob was an indescribably horrid task. He willed himself to move further, forcing his legs to take on lives of their own. Breaths, deep and heavy, shook his withering ribs. Fear shot through his chilled bloodstream, poison rattled his eyes-

He had to see him. He _had_ to be near him.

* * *

Thoughts of a precious gem wandered through his restless mind, preventing him from falling into slumber. Like a child waiting for Santa, he kept himself within the realm of consciousness. He sat within his bed anxiously, constantly sighing and heart waiting for the morning. His sword slept upon the cold floor of his room, no longer used as a tool of distraction from sleepless reality. He had practiced his swordplay upon the return to his room, but his mind was far too immersed in heartache for lengthy sword practice. There was someone he wanted to see, and would have exchanged his life for a _minute _with that particular person.

He was only nineteen years of age, but his strength betrayed his tender years. He was a male of impassable fortitude, valor and fervor. Right out of the gate he had been by someone else's side, devoting his life to the other without question. Despite the immense gap in their ages, he constantly nurtured the fire he sheltered. Deep inside of his heart the fire burned, bright and gloriously radiant. It rivaled the flames of bygone romances, blazing with a power that shamed the sun. Many would have questioned his taste (Liquid being amongst that group), but he cared not for negative input. All he knew was his heart, and his heart was currently agitated.

Brown curly locks were trapped against forehead, locked down by beads of sweat. A heaving chest rose and fell, absorbing the cold air. Soft blue eyes blinked against a ceiling, searching for relief that would never come. A part of him was desperately pleading for slumber, wanting to be removed from a world of longing. The greater half of him, though, refused to shut down. Sleeping wouldn't have brought him any freedom. He wanted nothing to do with it, forever fated to wrestle against his bed linen.

He had arrived in his school uniform, but dressed himself in attire more suitable to his current surroundings. He had placed the suit of a young, thin solider onto his body, wanting to 'fit in' with the environment. His original clothes, carefully folded, had been laid away inside of his small closet. The only active remnant of his previous life was his sword, forever faithful and undeniably strong. It was just like his heart, breathing and throbbing with fire.

He couldn't sleep. He could _never _sleep. For some reason, though, that particular night was a lot more difficult than his previous ones. Afflicted with the ailment commonly known as 'love', it wasn't odd for him to experience insomnia. Nervousness had united with that element, making the night insufferable. He couldn't explain it, but he was deathly anxious about the other's wellbeing. Going to see him was an option, but he couldn't bother him. He needed all of the sleep he could get, and _more._

Several heavy knocks fell upon his bedroom door. He sat up in a flash, eyes widened in astonishment. Before he could inquire about the other side's identity, several more knocks came-followed by a harsh _thud. _Ablaze with horror, the young male bolted out of his bed-tossing his bed linen aside. Without wasting a second he unlocked the door, opened it, and found-

"_**Snake!"**_

Swiftly he gathered the older male into his arms, then dragged him into the haven. He would have preferred the ability to carry him, but due to their differences in weight and height, that was out of the question. Completely awash in horror, the young one proceeded to lay the older male upon his bed. One look at the other's face set his heart into tears, stomping on every last inch of his soul. The old soldier, from head to toe, was covered in fathomless pain. The face of a shackled, tormented bird would forever haunt the swordsman, mesmerizing him with its beauty-yet breaking his heart. "What happened?" he asked softly, not wanting to shatter the other with a higher volume. "Where's Otacon? _Sunny?"_

"Sleeping," the older male replied, his voice box dragged deeper into a painful climb. The young male became an ephemeral painting of confusion, unable to decipher if Snake was referring to Otacon or Sunny. Perhaps they were _both_ sleeping.

Violent coughs were dispersed from the soldier's mouth. He began to wrap his arms around his chest in response, but found another pair of arms about his body. A heartbeat soon fell against his, gentle in stark contrast to his rapid, frantic rhythm. "Why are you here?" a soothing voice asked, tears gracing the edges of its eyes. Filled with ceaseless light, they peered into the small-slitted eyes of a soldier.

"What brought you to _me? _I've got to get Otacon!"

"_No! Don't!"_

A gasp rose from the younger male's mouth. Horror united with pain, melting within his vibrant eyes. The older male, despite his pain, had spoken with a surprising amount of fire. "Don't," he repeated, falling into a short period of turbulent coughs. "Don't!"

"But why?"

The answer came instantly, lashing against the air in fury. _"I came for __**you! **__I came to see you! I need __**you **__right now, not __**him!"**_

_I need you right now, not him!_

The younger male was temporarily frozen, paralyzed by disbelief. Tears trickled down his cheeks and onto the black floor, emitting soft rays of transcendent light. Questions rose into his mind, but none of them were spoken. Instead he kept himself close, arms wrapped around the other's waist. Snake was submerged in merciless coughs for epochs on end, gradually lulled into sleep by the other male's warmth. Minutes seemed like ages, with ten of them elapsing before gentle silence walked into their room. Into each other's eyes they peered, their hearts silently conversing. One pair pleaded with another for solace, while the younger pair was transfixed. Hypnotized by beauty he could have _never _imagined, but frequently saw in his dreams.

Tears streamed from blue eyes, coming from a dam that was meant to be stronger. Their owner tried his hardest to restrain them, wanting to keep his strength intact for the other's sake, but it was impossible. The soldier's pain crept into his heart, glowing inside of his radiant blue gems. Two hearts became one as words were unspoken, but spoken loud enough for both of them to hear.

Slowly, shakily, Snake rose a hand into the air. It earned a look of confusion from the younger male, until it landed upon his cheek. One word left the soldier's lips, and it happened to be a _name._

"Luso."

Crystallized light began to descend from the swordsman's eyes. "What is it?" he repeated, stroking the other's face with his own hands. "What's wrong? Why did you come to see me?"

"Sorry...for waking you up."

At first Luso frowned, then chuckled gently. "I wasn't sleeping," he said tenderly, still stroking the other's face. "I was too busy thinking about you. I _couldn't _sleep. I can't _ever _sleep and it's all your fault."

Silently repeating the question 'what's wrong' inside of his eyes, the swordsman began to stroke the other's heaving chest. Snake placed his arms upon the other's back, eyes closing. Neither one of them spoke for another epoch, but then Luso was the one to shatter the silence. "Why are you here?" he whispered, his face a centimeter away from the other's. "Why aren't you with Otacon? I can't help you, and you're...you're in pain!"

"Yes you can," was the quivering, hoarse response. "I need you. Don't leave me. _Please."_

Luso's eyes widened, filled with even more tears. He gazed onto the face of a ravaged prisoner, torn and tattered by the waves of night's sorrow. Snake's wings had been clipped, and he wished to have them returned. Only one individual had the power to grant such a wish.

"I...I'm not going to leave you. I'd _never _leave you."

"Why?"

Apprehension erupted inside of Luso's chest. Just a second ago, the old soldier had begged him to stay put. Now he was wondering about Luso's decision to stay?

"Because...I...I don't want to. I need you just as much as _you _need _me."_

The question was repeated with a trembling, sorrowful voice. "Why?"

The young swordsman laid his head against the other's chest, closing his eyes. He said nothing for a moment, savoring the other's heartbeat but silently drowning in tears of pain. Face tinged with a soft shade of pink, he replied in the softest tone he had available. "You're...you're my air," he replied shyly, then averted his eyes from the soldier's gaze. "I can't live without air."

Like a child clinging to a mother, Snake latched onto Luso's body. He was no longer in the grip of savage pain, but it was still there, throttling him. Choking him. Threatening to kill him while his brother laughed and laughed and laughed-

Tears rushed from his eyes, glittering in the night. They fell onto Luso's body, accompanied by frail sobs. Quietly shedding his own tears, Luso caressed the soldier's chest while allowing Snake to caress his face. They explored one another, their hearts throbbing against sadness. "What is it?" the swordsman whispered, nuzzling his forehead against Snake's. There was so much the soldier wanted to say, but evidently couldn't put it into words. He was no different from a child boiling with secrets, but was much too afraid to share them.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

A soft whimper escaped the soldier's mouth. If Luso had been _Meryl, _he would have been left alone minutes ago. Colonel Campbell's daughter had left him without a second thought, declaring that she couldn't have a future with him. There wasn't any point to their relationship, she explained angrily, and couldn't stand how closed off he had been with her. Throughout the duration of their relationship, he had been a closed box-and _she _had been a fiery leash, constantly yanking on him. Tugging on him. Pulling him into emotions he couldn't understand. Drawing him into a concept he couldn't fathom.

That concept was commonly known as 'love'.

She was in love with a hero. An _icon. _She didn't love _him._

She assumed that he would forever be invincible, impervious to pain and able to withstand any problem. She was in love with a childish fantasy, blissful with her possession of a legendary soldier's heart. Anger arose whenever he didn't mold himself into the mold of her hero, and whenever she tried to pull affection out of him, all efforts failed. He backed away with every attempt, eventually becoming a blot on her horizon. Many individuals believed that Solid Snake was supposed to have been invincible, and Meryl had been one of them. Driving that expectation further into his mind, he closed himself off to all forms of gentleness.

In a rare fit of tenderness, though, he realized just how _lonely _he was. Initially pleased with the show of affection, Meryl wrapped her arms around him. The two of them fell upon a bed, and dove straight into the process of lovemaking. Right before the process was complete, Meryl pulled away and made her declaration.

"_What is this?! What am I doing with you?! There's no way I could __**ever **__be happy with you! You don't even have a last name! You hardly even know where your __**first**__ name came from! How could I have a future with you, Snake?! This just can't work!"_

More tears descended from his eyes. He tightened his grip upon Luso, who was still near. He couldn't show Meryl affection. He didn't know _how. _And to make everything worse, she tried to force it out of him. When he finally exuded a desire for her love, she pulled away from him-_forever. _Luso was there, though, right on top of him. Comforting him. Loving him. Wiping his tears away.

"_How could you __**possibly **__believe that an old, frail and __**ugly **__thing deserves 'love'? How could you believe that something so useless could ever find 'happiness'? Are you that daft, my brother?!"_

'Don't leave me,' Snake's eyes repeated, but his mouth spoke differently.

"Why? Why are you here?"

Luso buried his head into the soldier's shoulder. "I'm here because I'm in love with you," he whispered, eyes rattled by tears. "I'm here because I need you. Just as _you _need _me."_

In a flash Snake took the other by the shoulders, eyes roaring in venomous wrath. He lifted the young swordsman into the air, his grip upon Luso's shoulders painful. _"Why?!" _he demanded, tears coursing from his eyes.

"_Answer me! __**Why?!"**_

Luso was frightened at first, gazing upon the other in an ephemeral fit of shock. Shock then melted away into a fusion of pain and affection, glowing softly within his eyes. "W-w-why do I love you?" he asked, shaken by the soldier's surge in strength. Tears were still coursing from his eyes, small yet infinitely beautiful. He wrestled with his inability to respond promptly, failing to compose a suitable response. How could he _possibly _attach words to a fire so strong?

"I...I love you because...I..."

_Now what? I'm supposed to 'I'm sorry, Snake, but I don't know why I love you'? As if! I'd rather die! There's got to be another way to put everything!_

"I...I...you're my world. You're...the air I breathe, and the dreams I heed. I...I can't imagine living without loving you. It just wouldn't make sense. My heart knows you're the most beautiful treasure I've _ever _laid my eyes on, and I'd be _stupid _to ignore you. I'm happy I was given the good grace to see how beautiful you really are. I...I..."

Laughter, warm yet nervous, dripped out of Luso's mouth. Oh well. He must've avoided sounding like a _complete _idiot, for Snake lowered him back to his previous position. "I don't know how to put this into words," the swordsman said sadly, face burning with scarlet starlight. "but you're _everything _to me. When I'm _not _around you, my soul can't breathe. Which explains why I can't ever sleep at night. I just...I..."

_Dang it! What a __**moron **__I am! I write poetry but I can't tell him how I feel?! So much for my stupid Poetry class!_

Catching Luso's nervous facial expression, Snake put forth fragile laughter. Hearing it, Luso's heart leapt a thousand miles beyond the galaxy. "You're quite the charmer," the old soldier said, smiling.

The swordsman became a blood-red picture of embarrassment, but he pressed on. "I meant _every _word," he assured the other, and Snake's smile became warmer. He appeared to be _peaceful, _no longer wracked with pain but exhausted.

"I know."

Neither of them spoke for a short while, simply peering into one another's eyes. Snake took the liberty of breaking the silence, bringing the swordsman into a tender embrace. "You know," the soldier began, happiness falling into his distant voice. "you've got shitty taste."

"No I don't," Luso replied instantly and adamantly, gazing straight into the other's eyes. Once again, their faces were a centimeter apart. "I think I'm smart. I may be clumsy, reckless and sometimes even _stupid, _but when it comes to you, I'm smart. I'm wise enough to know that I should love you, for if I don't, I'll drown and never breathe again."

Not another word was spoken. Their faces drifted closer together...eyes closed...hearts echoed as one, and...

Snake turned away with a grunt.

Luso gasped, even more nervous than before. In his neck of the woods, a first kiss was an important manner. And since he was about to kiss someone he had fallen _**madly **_in love with, his heart was racing at a pretty high pitch. "What's the matter?" he asked gently, confused by the other's decision to turn away. He received a sigh as a first response, then an expression of sadness came soon after.

"Are you _blind?"_

"Excuse me?" the swordsman asked, blinking in astonishment. That only served to deepen the other's anger.

"Can't you notice anything? It's pretty obvious to me!"

"Snake, what are you-"

Realization struck him as a bolt of lightning. He discovered the source of Snake's anger, gazing upon the other male's wrinkled and worn body. He said nothing for a moment, wide eyes exploring the soldier's existence. Of course Snake was much older than he was. Especially because of FOXDIE. The soldier had the appearance of a seventy year old man, while the swordsman was at the gentle age of nineteen! That was a pretty large gap, and did someone so pure deserve to be trapped in an old killer's arms?

Expecting the worst, Snake shut his eyes with another grunt. Expectations were shattered a minute later, when a gentle hand draped a blanket about two bodies. The old soldier's eyes looked upon Luso in bewilderment, receiving a warm smile in return. "We'd better get some sleep," the young one said merrily, eyes kissing the older male's heart. "Big Boss won't wait up for us if we happen to wake up late."

That was right. They had to locate a resistance group in Eastern Europe, where Big Boss' body was currently being held. Both were due to meet Big Mama, the group's commander.

But-

Luso shut his eyes, still wearing a smile of intense warmth. The warmth of the sun poured from the young swordsman's heart, draping itself about a world that was previously **cold. **Snake stared at him, silently wondering about the other male's dreams. With a small smile of mischief, he gently turned the swordsman onto his back. Luso's eyes fluttered open, mischievous eyes met surprised eyes-

-and lips melted into lips.

The kiss was several minutes long. Snake broke it off, smiling and ready for a night of peaceful slumber. Treating Luso as a cuddly stuffed animal, the old soldier rubbed his body against the other's in an affectionate manner. Luso, on his own end, was doused in the crimson flames of embarrassment.

_I can't believe that just happened! I just had my first kiss-__**with **__the guy I love! Aaaaaahhhh! _

Shyness quickly melted into adoration, transforming Luso's eyes into luminous portals. A smile spread across his face, infinitely warm and gentle. He ran a hand through Snake's silvery white hair, heart melting as a slice of butter would melt inside of an oven.

Liquid would continue to taunt him. He would continue to taunt his relationship with Luso. He would continue to tease him, laugh at him, and grind his spirit into ashes.

His relationship with _Meryl _would continue to haunt him. He would forever remember how she had tried to mold him into something perfect, a flawless hero without the smallest dent in his name. He would remember how she had pulled out of their first time together, announcing the she'd never be able to prosper with him. He would forever the virus draining his body, life ebbing and eternally broken.

He would forever remember all things, but as long as Luso kept himself near...

He'd be at _peace._

* * *

I fell madly in love with this while writing. I didn't expect to develop such a powerful degree of affection for it, but I did. Despite my surge of love for 'Xepher', though, a problem came about. At several times throughout the story, I thought to myself 'I just wanna write the actual story', in reference to 'Metal Gear Solid 4: Exhale'. XD I had so much fun writing this that I've strengthened my 'Exhale' mania! Get this. I'm watching MGS4 cutscenes right now! XD

In addition to that, I've found the most _adorable _AMV to attribute to Snake and Luso's relationship. It features the Cascade remix of 'Monster', set to Ouran High School. I've been playing for the last twenty minutes. This fic was actually written to it! XD Find the link to that video within my profile. XD

Luso Clemens, in case you're unfamiliar with his adventure or my profile, is originally featured in 'Final Fantasy Tactics A2: Grimoire of the Rift'. He is described as a mischievous, reckless young boy with strong talents in swordsmanship. Prior to his Final Fantasy adventure, he was also quite the troublemaker. In 'Exhale', his recklessness will be intact, but he's much wiser. His maturation process will be described.

Meryl's decision to storm out on Snake was inspired by Andi Mack's 'The Last Days of Dave and Meryl'.

On a fun note, I just _adore _Old Snake's voice. David Hayter rules the planet Earth. XD

I could go on and on about 'Xepher' _and _'Exhale', but I won't. XD I'll take up an additional ten pages if I do. So off I go to watch more cutscenes! Hope everyone had a joyous holiday, by the way!

* * *

"_His little whispers. "Love me, love me." That's all I ask for. "Love me, love me." _

_He battered his tiny fists to feel something. _

_Wondered what it's like to touch to feel something..._

_-Monster by Meg and Dia_

* * *

_**This is dedicated to Shining Zephyr and her fic 'Catalyst'. Without you, I wouldn't be able to hold a precious gem to my heart, in remembrance of the year 2008.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome to an additional chapter of 'Xepher'! 'Xepher' was originally meant to be a oneshot, but after watch Act 5 cutscenes of Metal Gear Solid 4, and reading a glowing review for the first chapter, I decided to post this little ditty. XD Once again, it'll be an excerpt from 'Metal Gear Solid 4: Exhale'. It'll most likely be the _last _excerpt from 'Exhale', because my love for the fullblown adventure has found an all-time high. I can't resist posting this little piece, out of affection for a very dear friend, but I'm teetering on the edge of restoring the entire adventure. XD I've fallen madly in love with the _entire _story!

**This additional chapter was inspired by the Act 5 cutscenes of Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. It was also inspired by my fondness for a certain reader, and a desire to give her another treat to read. The songs used to compose this chapter will be 'Tangled Up in You' by Staind and 'Beautiful' by 10 Years.**

**This will contain light spoilers of MGS4. If you're not familiar with the game yet, I suggest you watch out. XD**

**If you're allergic to fluff, and/or don't appreciate the idea of a humanized Snake, then you won't find this to your liking. Thanks for stopping in, though.**

* * *

He had been with him, right from the very beginning.

He had been by his side, unwavering and unshaken. He had been there for him, always caring. Inimitably devoted, affectionate and unspeakably loyal. Without a single question asked, or a single second wasted, he stood by him. When all else failed, he was there for him. When the world caved in on him, and it frequently _did, _he was there for him. Not once did he leave his side, or complain against his own vows. He had been with him, ever since the beginning of his climb.

To say that he had been through Hell would have been an understatement. Battles were ongoing, the world was inundated in hellfire, and his heart had been dragged through the mud. If a certain someone hadn't been by his side, all would have been lost a long while ago. Sure, it was comforting to have Otacon at his side, but he was dead tired of dragging the otaku through the mud. Only _he _should have been pulled through muddy, putrid pits of pain. Only he should have carried the world's burden, for he was the cause of the world's pain in the first place. If only he hadn't been created. The world would have been much better off without him, and every other creature like him-_including _Liquid.

_Liquid. _His remaining brother.

Ever since that fateful night, the intensity of his nightmares increased. Hellish horrors visited him night after night, merciless and cruel. Liquid would forever laugh at him, grinding the ebbing remnants of his strength-and sanity. His brother, someone he desperately wanted to keep close, would forever mock his relationship with Luso. He would forever mock his entire existence, keeping him chained to his own insecurities.

"_You're pathetic, my beloved little sibling! I would have every right to steal Luso for myself! You're of no use to him!"_

"_Why don't you just lay down like the dog you are and __**die?!"**_

He wanted to. He wanted to fall to his knees and give in. He was tired, _dead _tired, and no longer wished to breathe. Everything he had done, everything that had occurred on _his _behalf, had led him up to his breaking point. His _brother, _the last shred of family he could cling to, had brought him to his breaking point. His apex had been uncovered, and it was unstable. With every breath he took, he longed for the chance to fall apart. He wanted to become undone, and forget-

-everything he had told Luso. Everything Luso had told _him._

He wanted to forget his own existence. He wanted the _world _to forget his existence. He shouldn't have been brought to the Earth's soil. Big Mama shouldn't have raised him. Big Mama-

-died in his arms.

His last mission with Luso had been a bitter failure. Liquid had attained the upper hand in the grand scheme of things, and Big Mama's life ebbed away in her remaining son's arms. Barely discovering that _she _had been his birth mother, he developed a fiery ache to keep her close. That ache equaled the one he felt for Luso, despite the difference in the ache's flames. Unfortunately, the ability to keep her within his life crumbled. She was taken from him, a brokenhearted soul that had finally been reunited with her long lost son.

The loss of his mother was like a javelin in the heart. To add even greater salt to his wounds, one side of his face had been badly burned. It distorted his appearance, and in his eyes, it made him no different from a goblin. A devilish, horridly ugly _imp, _straight out of a child's nightmare. One could have compared him to the Beast from Sunny's favorite fairy tale, for he no longer wished to even _look _at Luso-let alone acknowledge him.

The world was caving in on him once again, and its walls had caved in for the last time. It could withstand no more, its core underneath impenetrable pain. His life was ebbing away like a drifting tide, he no longer had the right to look upon his lover's face, and his mother died in his arms. Otacon had been through more than enough, and deserved a _hell _of a lot more. Like a cat playing with the remains of a mouse, Naomi Hunter toyed with the gentle otaku's heart. She didn't do him any favors. His only saving grace was Sunny, his surrogate daughter. She was Otacon's only link to sanity. He didn't need Snake. No one needed Snake. Not even-

Legs fell to the ground with a violent thud. Did they belong to him? Of course they did. He was the only one in the room. They _had _to be his, but they felt so frail. So flimsy and downright _weak. _Had they transformed into gelatin? Why couldn't he rise? Why did he feel so heavy, when his legs had become so feeble? Why couldn't he-

Nausea punched his insides repeatedly, dragging his upper half to the floor. Invincible bars of iron lodged themselves inside of his chest, stealing his ability to attain oxygen. No different from am fish out of water, his body took great breaths-but found no relief. Queasiness was no different from Liquid, punching and laughing-

Coughs were ripped from his ravaged insides. He instinctively shot a hand to his mouth, dizziness rattling his skull. The proof of his violent nausea was expelled from his mouth, streaming from his convulsive body. Gasps were repeated in attempts to grasp at oxygen, but not a single attempt succeeded. Hands gripped his insides, clenching as tight as they could. His eyes widened, his body curled up into a ball-

-and arms wrapped themselves around his torso.

They weren't _his._

Small-slitted eyes turned to a young, brown-haired male .Not a single word came from the younger male's mouth, but blue eyes spoke clearly. Those same eyes were radiant with concern, love and sadness, pleading for the chance to be near a certain someone. But there he was, coughing, choking, pretty much choking on his own vomit-

If you had peered in on the 'Solid Snake' of several months ago, he wouldn't know the meaning of the word 'embarrassment'. He actually wouldn't know the meaning of a lot of words, but he wouldn't have been mortified to regurgitate his insides in front of someone.

He wouldn't have been madly in love, either.

Despite the old soldier's mortification, the younger male kept himself near. He buried his head into Snake's back, eyes closed and heart pounding. Silently he waited for the burst of illness to depart, inwardly stabbing himself with his own blade. Before he could voice his concern, though, the older male had him by the arms. Eyes blazing with savage hatred, he spoke to the young swordsman irately.

"_What are you doing here?!"_

"I c-c-c-came to see you! I want to be near you!"

Violently Luso was pushed away, hitting the ground with a fierce _thud. _He began to rise to his feet, but his attempt was cut off by the old soldier's voice. _"Leave me __**alone!" **_he bellowed, each syllable laced with immeasurable fury. _**"Don't look at me!"**_

A gentle hand was placed upon his back, and instantly thrown away. _**"Piss off!" **_a wounded soul ordered, tears streaming from his eyes. He lowered his face from Luso's view. _**"What can I offer you?! Nothing!"**_

_He'll leave. He'll leave the same way __**Meryl **__did. He'll leave. All I have to do is __**push, **__and he'll be gone._

"_I can do nothing for you! I have nothing to give you! I wish you we hadn't even __**met! **__I wish you hadn't been stupid enough to fall for a broken, mutilated __**beast!"**_

He kept himself averted from Luso's face. The young one was undoubtedly hurt, heartbroken and torn. He knew he couldn't bear the sight of his lover's face, for he loved him far too much. Knew he couldn't bear to look at him. Knew he couldn't bear to hold Luso's heart, even though he loved it so much. He knew-

-the young swordsman would leave. He would leave in tears, saddened and rejected. He would-

Arms were wrapped around his waist. Tears burning his own eyes, Luso Clemens peered into Snake's eyes. Neither one of them spoke for an age, their tears saying everything their hearts wanted to say. One heart desperately wished for the other to leave, but at the same time, it begged the other heart to stay. The younger heart looked upon its other half in adoration, never wavering, never faltering in the other heart's wake.

Gently Ivalice's swordsman placed his forehead against Snake's. Silence continued to bind them together, but the Clemens broke it. "You've given me _everything," _he whispered, tears laced with the golden light of tender sadness. A smile bloomed upon his young features, sorrowful yet loving. And much to Snake's surprise, he sent a hand to stroke the burned half of his face.

"You've given more than I'll _ever _be able to hold. I'm not leaving you, Snake, no matter how hard you try to push me away."

Astonishment, happiness and pain erupted inside of a puppy's eyes. Sobs began to make their ascent from his trembling lips, and arms tightened their grip upon the younger one's body.

If Luso had been Meryl, the answer to his anger would have been _much _different.

Sniffing, shedding his own tears, the Clemens buried his head inside of the other's chest. They held onto one another, never wanting to let go. The Nomad's dim lights draped themselves about two sobbing bodies, gentle as embers. Youthful eyes rose to meet an older pair of eyes, glistening with a fusion of adoration and hope. The older eyes returned that fusion, but their owner's face quickly turned away. A smiling Luso gently turned Snake's face to meet his, then gave him a gentle kiss.

Looking as if Luso had unexpectedly thrown him a birthday party, Snake stared at him. There he was, a dithering old fool, practically covered in vomit, and Luso had just _kissed _him?! And the side of his face was still resembling to a pile of black ashes!

The other male obviously didn't mind. Smiling, he gave the soldier another kiss. An embrace occurred as a result.

Neither one of them said anything, but when it came to what they shared, words weren't needed on a regular basis.

* * *

I just _had _to post this. The Luso/Snake relationship has become just _too _adorable, and the Act 5 cutscenes (Parts 9-11, especially) are _heart-wrenching! _

I love Luso's affection for Snake. Our sword-wielding hero loves him, even though they're worlds apart when it comes to ages! And the kisses of this chapter were cute too. XD Our poor Snake must be so embarrassed when he becomes sick. Wouldn't you agree? The poor dear. I feel terrible for him!

Thanks for stopping in! I really appreciate it! Off I go to work on 'Exhale' notes (and additional Luso/Snake yumminess)!

Speaking of 'Exhale', I was thinking of something. Maybe Liquid could do something to hurt (hurt, not **kill XD) **Luso? Haven't figured it out yet. Liquid will figure out just how much Luso means to his brother, though, and will want to have some fun. XD

* * *

"_That's all I ask for-love me, love me..."_

_-Monster by Meg and Dia (whenever I hear that line, I think of Snake saying that to Luso. XD)_

* * *

**Special thanks to Zephyr and 'Catalyst'!**


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